Category Archives: Singleness

The Single Issue

It happened on a Sunday, a week after my 31st birthday. I was at a friend’s wedding minding my own business and from NOWHERE I found myself sharing with the guests on my table (most of whom I’d only just met) that it didn’t bother me that I was 31 and single (huh?!). The worst part was, even I didn’t believe myself.
“I’m ok about it”. These were words I’d found myself saying a lot lately to reassure well intended family and friends who are concerned about my singleness. In the past, I’d said these words with the kind of ease that had the ability to quickly allay their fears and allow us to peacefully move onto more lighthearted conversation. In the past, I had meant every word.
However, on that fateful day in May, as I shared with the 3 deliriously happy couples how ok I was with my singleness, fear grabbed me by the throat, slammed me on the table and mercilessly strangled me. I choked and coughed. “No, I genuinely mean it”.
I spat and splattered. “I’m completely content with my life”.
I was drowning in envy and all around the table, the happy couples watched in horror gripping each other all the more tightly. Eventually, they couldn’t bear it any longer and someone threw me the lifebuoy of humiliation and they safely hauled me in. I was shocked, naked and drenched in their pity. Pity is the worst.
Later as I walked away from the wedding venue, I felt Him grip my hand more tightly “Jesus what happened back there? When did I stop being ok with my singleness?” I asked. “I do not want to be one of those 30 year olds”, I cried out close to tears. Turns out, I was a late bloomer and unlike many singles approaching the 30 year mark, 31 was my “eek” age! Thankfully, God is pretty cool and over the last few months, He has been showing me how to do life as a Christian single. I wanted to share this with you guys:
  1. Recognise the season you are in.
The bible says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” Ecclesiastics 3:1. It’s important for us to recognize what season we are in. God is very intentional with the way He directs our lives. This means if I am fully committing my life to Jesus daily, then I believe I am exactly where He wants me, surrounded by the people He wants in my life. He is responsible for me and He knows what I need (see Matthew 6:25-34 and Genesis 2:18). What I now need to discern is why I am here with these specific people.
For me, I believe I am currently in a season of going deeper with God. I enjoy quiet times with Him and listen out for His voice. Jeremiah 29:13 says “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”. This is also an important season for me to give of myself and love the people God has put in my life. God willing, there will come a time in my life, when parenting a howling toddler will supersede me spending half a day with my niece, eating too many lollies in one sitting and instilling The Word in her tender receptive heart. The very thought of this precious season drawing to a close is so bitter sweet, it makes me want to postpone the next season so I can soak in this for a little while longer.
What season are you in? What does God have in store for you here? One of my greatest fears is to miss what God is doing to refine my character because I ran ahead of Him in search of His blessings.
  1. Get ready
So I think we all agree that the Proverbs 31 woman is kinda special. Heck, even I could (almost) marry her! In this chapter, there are a lot of attributes of a Godly woman, many of which I don’t think are my calling – I refer to the dressmaking in vs 19! Now, I’m not sure I could ever be as perfect as she is, but there is a lot I’d love to learn from her. So, my character is under construction. I’m learning not to take myself too seriously and laugh more. I’m learning to be kinder, tidier, more generous and to be wise with my words. If I want God’s finest, then I too need to make sure my game is equally on point. There’s a lot in there to keep me very busy!
  1. Think Eternity
The cold truth is, not everyone who wants to get married will be married. It sucks – I know. However, James 4:14 says ours lives are like a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. We are only on earth for a teeny weeny while. So, if you end up living life as a spinster (or bachelor) with 10 cats, you will be a God-fearing cat lady/man (with an exceptionally sound mind). BUT, only for a little while. I know it sounds like you are being short changed but, I encourage you to dwell on those moments when you spend time with the Holy Spirit and you get to taste in this life what heaven will be like. Be of good courage 🙂 and learn to be content – Philippians 4:12-13
SOUND MINDED Cat Lady Starter Kit 😉
  1. Be still and know that He is God.
The thing is, despite the occasional woe is me moments, I know that no man can ever complete me. It is only in God’s presence that I am completely whole. Only His peace which surpasses all understanding has the flawless ability to engulf my fears completely. He promised to keep my mind in perfect peace because I love and trust him Isaiah 26:3.