The Single Issue

It happened on a Sunday, a week after my 31st birthday. I was at a friend’s wedding minding my own business and from NOWHERE I found myself sharing with the guests on my table (most of whom I’d only just met) that it didn’t bother me that I was 31 and single (huh?!). The worst part was, even I didn’t believe myself.
“I’m ok about it”. These were words I’d found myself saying a lot lately to reassure well intended family and friends who are concerned about my singleness. In the past, I’d said these words with the kind of ease that had the ability to quickly allay their fears and allow us to peacefully move onto more lighthearted conversation. In the past, I had meant every word.
However, on that fateful day in May, as I shared with the 3 deliriously happy couples how ok I was with my singleness, fear grabbed me by the throat, slammed me on the table and mercilessly strangled me. I choked and coughed. “No, I genuinely mean it”.
I spat and splattered. “I’m completely content with my life”.
I was drowning in envy and all around the table, the happy couples watched in horror gripping each other all the more tightly. Eventually, they couldn’t bear it any longer and someone threw me the lifebuoy of humiliation and they safely hauled me in. I was shocked, naked and drenched in their pity. Pity is the worst.
Later as I walked away from the wedding venue, I felt Him grip my hand more tightly “Jesus what happened back there? When did I stop being ok with my singleness?” I asked. “I do not want to be one of those 30 year olds”, I cried out close to tears. Turns out, I was a late bloomer and unlike many singles approaching the 30 year mark, 31 was my “eek” age! Thankfully, God is pretty cool and over the last few months, He has been showing me how to do life as a Christian single. I wanted to share this with you guys:
  1. Recognise the season you are in.
The bible says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” Ecclesiastics 3:1. It’s important for us to recognize what season we are in. God is very intentional with the way He directs our lives. This means if I am fully committing my life to Jesus daily, then I believe I am exactly where He wants me, surrounded by the people He wants in my life. He is responsible for me and He knows what I need (see Matthew 6:25-34 and Genesis 2:18). What I now need to discern is why I am here with these specific people.
For me, I believe I am currently in a season of going deeper with God. I enjoy quiet times with Him and listen out for His voice. Jeremiah 29:13 says “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”. This is also an important season for me to give of myself and love the people God has put in my life. God willing, there will come a time in my life, when parenting a howling toddler will supersede me spending half a day with my niece, eating too many lollies in one sitting and instilling The Word in her tender receptive heart. The very thought of this precious season drawing to a close is so bitter sweet, it makes me want to postpone the next season so I can soak in this for a little while longer.
What season are you in? What does God have in store for you here? One of my greatest fears is to miss what God is doing to refine my character because I ran ahead of Him in search of His blessings.
  1. Get ready
So I think we all agree that the Proverbs 31 woman is kinda special. Heck, even I could (almost) marry her! In this chapter, there are a lot of attributes of a Godly woman, many of which I don’t think are my calling – I refer to the dressmaking in vs 19! Now, I’m not sure I could ever be as perfect as she is, but there is a lot I’d love to learn from her. So, my character is under construction. I’m learning not to take myself too seriously and laugh more. I’m learning to be kinder, tidier, more generous and to be wise with my words. If I want God’s finest, then I too need to make sure my game is equally on point. There’s a lot in there to keep me very busy!
  1. Think Eternity
The cold truth is, not everyone who wants to get married will be married. It sucks – I know. However, James 4:14 says ours lives are like a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. We are only on earth for a teeny weeny while. So, if you end up living life as a spinster (or bachelor) with 10 cats, you will be a God-fearing cat lady/man (with an exceptionally sound mind). BUT, only for a little while. I know it sounds like you are being short changed but, I encourage you to dwell on those moments when you spend time with the Holy Spirit and you get to taste in this life what heaven will be like. Be of good courage 🙂 and learn to be content – Philippians 4:12-13
SOUND MINDED Cat Lady Starter Kit 😉
  1. Be still and know that He is God.
The thing is, despite the occasional woe is me moments, I know that no man can ever complete me. It is only in God’s presence that I am completely whole. Only His peace which surpasses all understanding has the flawless ability to engulf my fears completely. He promised to keep my mind in perfect peace because I love and trust him Isaiah 26:3.

7 thoughts on “The Single Issue

  1. M

    A fellow single 31 year old here, and I am all too familiar with the motions you speak of. For me, the looks of pity come more from family members than from contemporaries. I especially realise that they feel sorry for me when I mention that I am complete and do not need another human being to validate me and sometimes, I believe it is because once upon a time, they knew me to be in what had appeared to be a very promising relationship, which had spanned some three years. I have learnt to be still in a lot of areas within my life. I have also learnt to be hopeful for He says, ‘Ask and you shall recieve.’ Another realisation I have taken to heart is that His timing is always right. In just about every life defining event that has occurred in my life, it has been so apparent that attempting to influence the course of things would have only landed me in very difficult circumstances. I think back to the relationships I have had in the past, and for each one of them, I have to kneel down, kiss the ground and look up to heaven, saying, ‘Thank you Lord for putting me on a different path.’ I have found that I have done so much more with my singleness than what I used to do paired up with another. That itself also makes me realise just how much I have to offer as an individual -to other members of the human race.
    I am indeed very hopeful of the fact that by and by, a suitable suitor will have his feet directed into my life. Whenever that will be, will be okay. In the mean-time, I’m most content being in the presence of those who love and appreciate me in an untainted, unconditional manner. I am happy to toil in my purposes which themselves refine me daily. Yes, there are times when I get distracted and begin to look at my life through a haze of negativity -but Joseph’s story reminds me that He leadeth me, He has promised to give me an expected end and He who promised, is faithful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. terrajessi Post author

      Hey lovely. Thank you so much for taking time to share your experiences with me. I couldn’t agree more that His timing is always impeccable! Like you, when I look back, I see example upon example of His faithfulness. It has a very calming effect on my spirit. I absolutely love the way you’ve put your words. I believe God honours such a heart achingly beautiful surrender. Romans 8:28 For we know that all things work out for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose ❤️. I pray that He will give you your heart’s very desire xx


  2. Jkl

    Another well written article. I am also a singleton in my 30s but I realise that God promises to lead and direct my paths and plans. I must say singleness has pros and cons. It’s a time to do what you want to do and prepare for the future. I believe in the will of God and if your prayers are in line with his will those prayers will be answered. Attending 1 too many weddings makes you aware that everyone your age is getting married which doesn’t help cause you cannot make a man commit unless he believes/adores you so be lovable. You also get to a point where fewer of your friends are getting married but having kids. Life does change and I believe and declare that the best is yet to come. Keep your eyes open and smile ☺.

    Liked by 1 person


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